notyourpreacherswife Reflections of a life

The sun continues to fry the grass and flowers if I skip the watering can  just once. The mosquitos hang on to cover legs with bumps and scabs while the spiders and mushrooms pop up around the yard. Humidity lingers enough to trick me; the sky has begun to change towards longer nights and I am tempted to put on jeans and long sleeves, maybe even real shoes with a closed toe. But just cracking the door for the dog to slip out lets in enough hot air to curl my hair. This is not the image of fall I want.  I want apples and cider and gingerbread topped with lemon curd. Where are the crisp blue skies with warm sun and cool air?

I want to put away the white jeans. I think white jeans are evil for anyone under the height of 5′ 7. I broke down and bought a pair this year, on the end of a trend I know, but anytime I purchased a top, someone would say “Oh that would look great with your white jeans.” And I wore them. A lot. And each time I did, at least 60% of the women I was with wore theirs too. I only wore mine in Maine. I know white is a year round color and all now but I don’t really wear any full length anything past April in North Carolina. The heat makes me claustrophobic and a tad bit grumpy, if not self-righteous.

I am a person greatly affected by weather. If it’s raining and cold, I must have mashed potatoes for dinner, preferably with meatloaf and a glass of pinot noir. If it’s sunny and 70, I cannot be inside, which is why I don’t know how I would go back to an office job. Above 90?…near some body of water. And I like to be dressed for the weather (see above paragraph) All this is to say I believe strongly in the seasons. I couldn’t live in California even though I love the lifestyle. I welcome the south’s early spring and have come to accept the short winter. It is certainly easier with small kids. I even understand why people call it  “skiing or snow skiing” rather than “skiing or water skiing” given the lengths of the seasons. I like the rhythm of ordering my days differently based on the sun and the heat and the air. Perhaps I need the weather to organize me because I am not a great planner otherwise. I enjoy thinking about spring cleaning and reading Martha Stewart’s calendars of all those things we should be planning and doing step-by-step so the benefits are reaped at a later date. According to the Queen of OCD here is what we should be doing: I will include September in case you have not done those things either:

September 1: Edit summer photos (I did get mine done on the 22nd)

September 3: Plant next summer’s perennials (too hot outside)

October 2: Change out your closets (that would require having 2 and enough clothes)

October 7: Store outdoor furniture (wish I had some)

October 9: Clean wooden cutting boards with coarse salt and lemon juice (yea right, then do a shot of tequila!)

October 14: Buy firewood

And on -andonandonandonandon- I know, she overwhelms everybody. At one point I was going to compile a book called “The Martha Project I Did That Sent Me Over The Edge“. Mine was homemade valentine cards. We were newly married and living in The City (which is of course New York). Martha instructed I show my blissful and undying love to my newly betrothed by purchasing cardstock, rice paper, and silk ribbon. I was told to use a thumbtack to poke holes in the rice paper in the shape of a heart. It took me 4 hours and a bruised thumb-pad to achieve a look remotely similar to the one pictured in her magazine not to mention the $34 in supplies. I have heard countless tales of attempts at making wreaths, gardening, or baking- all of which ended up in personal injury and countless lost hours followed by large amounts of wine consumption. If you have a contribution, please fill out the comment section. I may resurrect this book idea afterall!

The cliche goes that life has it’s seasons too. I f I had to guess, this current phase would  be about a garden in about mid July. The babies are made and thriving, strong enough to survive some things on their own but still needing great care to navigate unchartered territory like shoe-tying and bus riding and bullying. We have figured out what grows well in this soil and conditions. And there is bounty in the harvest -learning to ride bikes and surf waves; giggling from the same knock-knock joke, sleepovers, french braids; the tooth fairy and allowance. Some marriages are dying, like the plants scorched by the sun, neglected too long from water. Most have need of pruning, trimming dead leaves and bad habits in order to let new life spring forward.

A friend asked me recently, “Is this all there is?” At first I said yes, thinking most of our major decisions have been made, the ones that mold what our lives look like. And then I thought about it and said: “No, there is the bad stuff to come.” The sickness and loss of parents. The bodily aches and pains and the eternal search for reading glasses. The 10 pounds that won’t come off.  Cancer. The child being left out or cut from the team or heartbroken. The thought of puberty in three girls is enough to send me running for cover. I don’t want to be Debbie Downer but I do think we have a fall and winter season of our lives on the horizon. Just this summer three friends lost their fathers, before their time. For varying reasons, each of these deaths strikes a blow to the daughter left behind, some unfinished business that no longer has the gift of time for sorting out.

As we welcome the start of fall today, take stock of your life. Tend the plants. Enjoy the bounty. Give water where needed. And put away the white jeans.